Depression
1. Your goals: Find workable goals that give you a sense of accomplishment.
Most people feel guilty when talking about goals because they set unreasonable or unworkable goals. A goal is workable if it’s:
- Something you can control (i.e., it doesn’t depend on others)
- Manageable (i.e., not overwhelming)
- Realistic for you (not for someone else)
- Measurable (i.e., you know whether or not it is done or getting done)
If something goes wrong with your goal, adopt a “what can I learn from this?” attitude (versus a judgmental, “this is why I’m horrible” attitude). Also, be careful when comparing your progress with others. We usually compare our biggest weakness with another person’s biggest strength.
2. Visualize a happy memory
When a patient continually revisits a painful memory (say, of a romantic rejection or failed business enterprise), it can tip him or her into near emotional catatonia. I say, “Wait, before you ‘go down the rabbit hole’ and all the dark feelings overwhelm you, close your eyes and go to a happy memory.”
*Paul remembered, “When I graduated from college, looked out at the audience and saw my family looking so proud, I felt amazing and powerful.” I said, “Great, go there. Let’s relive that wonderful experience.” As he described details from that lovely day (his mother’s periwinkle blue dress; standing on the stage holding his diploma…) his posture went from slumped over to peacock proud. He actually smiled.
I suggested, “The moment you feel yourself sliding back to an awful memory that takes you under, take a breath and instantly conjure up graduation day. Counter the gloom with an immediate dose of positivity.
3. Tell Me Something Good
A depressed person has earned a PhD in The Art and Science of Self-Hatred. When I ask, “How do you see yourself?” I get answers like: “I’m boring.” “I’m a coward.” “I’m ugly.” “I’m not smart.” To the speaker, these sentiments are absolute truths; his or her sense of identity, a soul-less place to live that is familiar, thus offering a ‘comfortable discomfort’, with no exit door. As long as these annihilating beliefs rule your self-image, nothing good can break through.
When I ask, “Tell me good qualities about yourself,” I am initially greeted by silence. Then I hear a halting, “I’m kind” or “I’m caring.” If the patient gets stuck, I help out: “You’re a loving mother.” “You are a survivor.” “You are a nurturer” “You are super considerate.” “You are reliable”…
As we construct a list, I ask the patient to write down the wonderful attributes and keep repeating them when the ‘toxic wheel of self-hating talk’ begins. I suggest asking friends and family members to email a list of positive qualities they value in my patient.
Very nice..
ReplyDeleteTy
Deletetha is for sharing such a wonderful blog on the topic depression. its very much required these days.
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ReplyDeleteI have many family members with depression that I'm syure would enjoy this post. Will be sharing!
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DeleteI really enjoyed reading this article. Very useful tips. Will use them on myself.
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